They scare me..

These past few days have been a hair-raising experience.  I am truly scared. These two little people in my house have begun to take over.  I am realizing that they honestly think I am a joke.  My warnings, threats, ultimate rulings, and eventual beatings don't mean a thing anymore.  I'm beginning to think that my children are deaf.  Maybe they are those kind of people who enjoy inflicting pain on others, like sadists.  Whatever they are, I don't think they have a conscious.  

Two days ago, I am cleaning upstairs and realize that my children are downstairs, ALONE.  Terrified, because I'm sure the house is going to cave in at any time due to the damage they have probably already caused, I run down the stairs.  All the while tripping over the dumb, knot-on-a-log dog, almost splattering myself on the hardwoods at the bottom of the stairs.  I mean, damn dog if someone 20 times your size is running toward you, move your ass!!  

I find the oldest one sitting on the couch watching cartoons.  Seems harmless enough, but she is eating a popsicle.  I find the little one on the counter, via the dining room table chair that he dragged through the house.  He had opened our mail, gotten himself and Avary popsicles out of the freezer, and was eating about 13 Gobstoppers that we thought were out of reach.  Nothing is out of reach.  Things on the ceiling aren't out of reach.  

Speaking of climbing on counters, they do this often.  They are like jungle cats or cockroaches climbing the walls and counters.  A couple of months ago, they went on a wild rampage through the house and I found them on the counter.  This time Avary had climbed up on the washing machine to get a cooler that they would use to climb on other things.  First let me tell you that Avary had on a Barney the Dinosaur costume from Halloween two years ago.  So, I find her in the cabinet eating Easter egg dye tablets...???? WTF?????  I'm hoping they are non-toxic. Her accomplice hadn't made it as far but was on the cooler using the metal egg dipper to dip various things into the (cold) coffee pot.  Why do they think this is acceptable?

How unacceptable is this:  I found them the other day in the medicine cabinet eating Spongebob Band-Aids.  After chewing them up, they were using them as spit-balls.  Not only does this make me furious, I think that I am most upset about the fact that those Spongebob Band-Aids cost a fortune!  While punishing them, I am yelling, "You'll never get Spongebob Band-Aids ever again!  Nope, it's good ol' ugly, brown, Dollar Tree brand, plastic bandages for ya'll!!"  Mwah-ha-ha-ha!!

Avary has always been a climber.  In fact, we have to bolt furniture to the wall so she doesn't turn it over on herself.  You know this happened a few times and that is why we had to start bolting!  Good thing she never got hurt, just my furniture did.  I like to think that if one of them did fall off a dresser and get hurt, they would stop the excessive climbing.  This, though, simply is not true.  Along with their deafness, I think they lack the ability to comprehend.  

As I am sitting here pouring my woes out to you, those two little people are on the loose in my house.  I thinking it might be a good idea to go and assess the damage.  I'm scared.  I will update you on the current destruction as I can.  Oh hell, they just ran into the bathroom and shut the door..........